bad omens.

I am attempting to pack a small bag for two days in a warm place. I am failing miserably.

Things are not looking good for mid-January travel to colder climes... I should probably start packing for it now.

HOW CAN I POSSIBLY CHOOSE ONE PAIR OF SHOES FOR SO MANY ACTIVITIES? I'm having an existential crisis.

Computing

There was an outlet under my seat on my cross-country flight this weekend. Since when did those get installed? A real grounded outlet!

Unfortunately it was the also first time that I has absolutely no need or desire to charge anything inflight.

I don't know why,

But for some reason, the following phrase really bothers me. (in reference to having introduced myself via email but not met in person yet...)

Nice to "meet" you. 


I don' t know WHY. But it makes me feel weird. Why is this something everyone thinks they have to say?

Strange.

Easting on the job

I'd like to start an open discussion on campus catering. Usually I am partial to Bon Appetit but today they really let me down. At Penn I really enjoyed Insomnia Cookies - I mean who doesn't love a warm cookie at anytime?

Other favorites I should look out for?

Northwest winning

Won $5 in Oregon but lost in Washington. Can't say I'm surprised.

seriously?

$33.45 in tolls to drive to New Jersey and back. Are you kidding me? And when did the GW bridge start costing 12 DOLLARS?!


Somebody's gotta stop New Jersey before it gets any more out of hand.

Adventures in FacultyLand

I feel enlightened... I think I just had my own study abroad experience. Two days of immersion in the world of faculty at a small public college may have forever altered my view of this job.

Highlights:

-Constant talk of faculty politics and union negotiating
-The Wednesday morning "breakfast club" with four faculty ladies, at which they chatted about everything from pumpkin pancakes to transgender coppermining in the Levant
-More talk of unions and senates and contracts
-A lengthy discussion of college sports and who has what athletes in what classes
-A post-breakfast-club birdwatching walk ("see that through the mist? That's Atlantic City!" and "oh, it's just a yellowrump.")
-pet ducks.

The Admission Counselor's Infero: 9 Circles of Hell

1. Unanswered e-mails
2. Students who won't respond
3. Accepted students who won't call you back so you can tell them they are accepted
4. Meetings in which the person you went out of your way to talk to basically says, "Thank you for your time but it's not going to work out. You should go now."
5. Questionable fair food
6. Delayed flights (also, any airport in New York)
7. Bedbugs
8. The Chevy Aveo
9. Portal

I'm staying in a hotel 3 hours away from my house

Just realizing the sad fact that I am now so old I don't have any friends who are still in college at the most popular school for students at my high school.

On the brighter side, at least I knew my way around campus!

facts of life

I suspected my travel was going far too smoothly. Turns out, I was right. The Travel Gods have been saving up all their wrath for my return home. THE FACTS OF THE CASE ARE AS FOLLOWS:

Fact: Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you got 'till it's gone.

Fact: A big yellow taxi did not carry off my old man.

Fact: A big yellow towtruck DID carry off my NOT AT ALL OLD car.

Fact: It's a good thing I chose to drive my own car to Connecticut last week. It might have been the first and only road trip we will get to share together.



Alright, Travel Gods. YOU WIN. If you are going to insist on taking a car away from me EVERY TIME I COME HOME FROM TRAVELING, I will just have to stay on the road. FOREVER.

Adios, amigos. See you ... never. If you want to reach me, better call my cellphone. Or Enterprise. They'll probably know where I am.

Love,
RWP.

I am a time traveler

Things I did on my 6 hour flight across the country:
Read a book, read 3 magazines (4 if you count skymall, and 5 in you county the safety information brochure).
Was served 3 different cups of ginger ale.
Drained the battery of my 6-year-old iPod.
Made friends with the best flight attendant ever. Seriously. I have never been on a plane with anyone so friendly and happy to be doing their job. He was one seat-belt-sign away from doing cartwheels in the aisle.

Things I did not do:
Get a "digi-player" to watch movies. Seriously, whoever decided the international vs. domestic thing really messed up. I get free TV on a 1 hour flight from Portland to Vancouver but nothing on my long-half from Boston?
Eat free snacks. When will the other airlines follow JetBlue and offer snacks that don't involve some sort of nut. I could have killed for some Doritos. 

I was not pleased. Luckily my dad took me out for bagels this morning. 

What do you think his job title is?

I'm guessing "University overlord."

(on the balcony above me is a man in a suit, staring ominously down at myself and all the students. He is literally doing Mr-Burns-hands. He has been there at least 10 minutes. I am unsettled.

Eeeexcellent.

Scary baby dolls

Be on the lookout for one of these and your next creepy B & B....http://thehairpin.com/2011/11/looking-for-something-to-lighten-up-a-dark-corner

I won two dollars in the PA lottery but it was not enough to buy my love.

Next big hollywood hit?

Today I saw my first fair crasher!

Perhaps should have thought something was strange about the man handing out flyers near my table, but things were too busy to really pay attention. I DID pay attention when I had front row seats to the part where the fair organizer confronted him and then threw him out. Scandalous!

Why does megabus have wifi if you can't look at hulu, Netflix, or someecards? What else is the Internet for???

Student city

Fair yesterday: two blocks from my hotel.

Fair today: two block from my hotel in the other direction.

Why can't all colleges be this conveniently close together? Or at least the ones that I visit.

Also of note would be the frozen yogurt bar across the street from my hotel and open until midnight and the hippy (yuppie) restaurant that served me pumpkin-apple cider bisque for dinner last night so good I would have bathed in it.

Next up, my first visit to the highly acclaimed Wawa "Food Mart"!

This b&b might not be haunted

But my hostess is DEFINITELY a (friendly but slightly crazy) cat lady, and I am again the only guest.

Someone should fire me from booking hotels. NOTE TO SELF: cheap B&Bs ... CHEAP FOR A REASON! a friendly, slightly crazy reason.

Though I AM in the middle of farm country/the woods/ minutes from the aerodrome! During the summer, I could probably have seen the Red Baron from my window.... If only.

Maybe I'll start a prevention campaign.

No one should ever (EVER) have to set an alarm for 3:45am.

WHY DO 4:30 TRAINS EVEN EXIST? why????

New suitcase. This one matches my aura better, I think.

Update: Just saw that I missed a voicemail from the extremely overzealous manager from my last car rental.* After profusely apologizing for the state of my vehicle (smoky, not Illinois), he let me know they adjusted my bill to give me a 50% discount. I got that Fiat for less than it costs to rent a bicycle! (Has anyone ever thought of renting bicycles instead of cars? That sounds like a fantastic travel adventure.)

I am staying at my aunt's house, which comes complete with 4 cats. One of these is a tiny 3-month old rescue kitten named Jack. Jack likes to pounce on me when I sleep. They don't have those at La Quinta!

Today's visit was stop two on the Ingulli-McCord Family College Tour. Stop one: sister's alma mater. Today: the University where my parents met. Up next: my old stomping grounds (Hipster College). What nostalgia!

URGENT: On TV right now: Dr. Phil segment called "Majoring in Failure."

I need to get a lotto ticket ASAP! Do you think luck is different in the city than upstate?! It seems like they should count as two different states.

*Evidence for this judgement: when waiting in line, heard him say to the new guy who had put someone on hold because he didn't know the answer to a question, "I don't want people to feel like we're Comcast or something. That's not our kind of service. Please don't put people on hold."

10 things I hate about you, my Chevy Aveo rental car

I hate the way you beep at me,

and the way your bumper is scratched.

I hate the way you drive,

I hate it when your vents refuse to support my GPS holder.

I hate your dumb roll-down windows,

and your stupid non-automatic mirror adjustment.

I hate you so much every time I get you I want to cry,

and yell at the Enterprise sales lady.

I hate the way your blinker sounds,

I hate it when I have to manually lock every door.

I hate it when you get bad radio reception,

even worse when don't get any at all.

I hate you when you’re not around,

and more when you are.

But mostly I hate the way everyone else hates you,

so much that they don't take care of your either,

and that you are always the saddest car on the lot...

I hate that I never want to get you,

not even close…

not even a little bit…

not even at all.

Pennsylvania.

I tried to be flirty with the Enterprise boy to get the shiny silver fiat on the lot. Instead I just got another sad, Aveo. And then he asked me on a date after I came back to get help with my broken seat adjuster dial. Said date would begin when I returned to Enterprise after his shift so he could "show me a good time" in downtown Philadelphia.

Fail.

Big dreams, big city.

Only been in New York for about 48 hours and have already...

-occupied Wall St (for about 4 minutes)
-people-watched at occupy wall ST (for an hour)
-seen dead bodies (... At the Bodies exhibit, don't worry)
-broken my suitcase (not my fault, but I do get to go suitcase shopping tomorrow)
-seen a Jim Henson exhibit
-walked 45 minutes to find a gourmet ice cream sandwich truck (red velvet cookies w/ nutella almond ice cream?!)
-purchased purple pumas for $7 at a thrift store.

I don't think I can even work tomorrow. This has already been way too much excitement for me for one week, I should probably take some time off.

And don't you worry, I will let you know if I survive the 10-12 trains I have to take with my (hopefully new and unbroken) suitcase in the next 5 days...

Is this a joke? http://jesusween.com/

I certainly hope so.

Codoris Bavarian Gift Shop

(my favorite Organization name in Portal. I should see if we have any alums there.)

So... picked up a car last night at the airport. It smelled faintly of smoke, but not terribly. Went to get in it again this morning, and it was much worse. Breaking point was opening up a compartment to plug in my phone and finding a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I'm not really a complainer, and I'm not picky about cars, but.... nope. No thanks. Brought that baby back today and my whining was rewarded with a candy-red Fiat. Hooray!

Bought a lotto ticket, but I seemed to have used up all my luck in Illinois. No go. BOO.

My cool Columbus guy.

No, I didn't fall in study-abroad-love with an Ohian (?) this month. That is just a lyric from the best localized version of Lady Gaga's You and I that I have heard yet. I'm 100% serious when I say they replaced all the "Nebraska"s with "Columbus." I don't know who let that happen, but I either want to hug them or punch them. Radio is weird.

Other (O)hi(o)ghlights......

I WENT TO THE HOOVER DAM!!!

Ok, well, I mean, I went to a Hoover Dam. Is it just me, or is it physically impossible to stay on the highway once you've seen a huge sign that says "Hoover Dam"? My thought process was something along the lines of.... "OH MAN! WHAT? I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO SEE THE - wait..... isn't that..... aren't I in Ohio? That can't be right..... oh well... it's on the way....."

This attraction shared a parking lot with a Championship Disc Golf Course. Double win!

While my parking success has certainly been better than last week's (still stumped as to why a school would absolutely refuse to let me park on the basis that I am a student. SERIOUSLY, I STILL PROMISE I'M NOT A STUDENT) I am ready to get out of the giant cornfield that is Ohio. There is a certain charm to the feeling of being completely lost in the middle of nowhere and at the mercy of a possibly malicious GPS, and then suddenly ending up in the middle of a small liberal arts college. BUT, I mean, corn gets old at some point.

And don't even ask me about that Whole Foods I navigated to, only to find out it was a Baby Whole Foods with no hot bar and not much of anything else either. BOO.

Also, I feel like I need to be honest about something. Everyone thinks I'm traveling for work, but the truth is I'm really just bouncing around the country finding ice cream factories. Today, the home of Velvet, also known as Utica, OH, also known as the Ice Cream Capital of Ohio! wow.

Back in the office. I need a re-entry orientation.

Fancy Time

The "fair" I went to last night was just a cleverly disguised cocktail party.

Jazzy international music? Decorations? Mood lighting? A hot buffet? People mingling? Yeah. Cocktail party.

By the way, Enterprise gave me ANOTHER Dodge Charger, mainly because four people had returned damaged cars yesterday and it's all they had. Seriously? Is there a high demand for these things? This one is far less impressive on the inside.... which at least means I could figure out how to open the gas cap on the first try.

Mall of America is overrated

I've been in Minnesota for less than 24 hours and have already seen 8 lakes. Will I see all 10,000!??!

No wins in the lottery today, but I'm still feeling good about my $5 win in New Hampshire.

Some painful lessons I learned today:

The Starbucks Salted Carmel Mocha is terrible. Whose idea was it to put salt in coffee? And why was I so silly to think it would be good??

Not all sushi is created equally. If it seems risky...don't do it.

Never travel without a bathing suit...you might end up staying in a hotel with a sweet waterpark..

"upgrade"

When I got here two days ago, they only exactly one car left. It was a shiny, white, and oh-so-manly Dodge Charger. Not quite the compact car I asked for. Now, I have no problem with free upgrades, even when they make me feel like I'm driving a cop car. (Favorite image search result .... available at WalMart!)

But thanks to an unnecessarily overwhelming dashboard and display, it did take me almost my entire drive to my hotel (50 minutes) to figure out how to change the radio volume. Really? the ONLY place you're going to put that control is on the back of the steering wheel? Not impressed, Dodge.

Can I say though... proudest moment of my entire trip: I parallel parked that monster on a crowded street today! On my first try! About half an inch from the curb! Nothing short of a miracle.

Iowa gambling update: $1 on a scratch ticket, no-go. Redemption in the form of $1 spent at the casino (which was 10 minutes from my hotel tonight and just couldn't be passed without at least stopping in.....). After 10 minutes of playing penny slots I had $4 and decided that was all I needed. Total fall winnings: now $63. I'm buying myself something nice when this is all done.....

the midwest is just FULL of surprises. Also, ghosts.

WHAT A WEEK.

Had a couple of hours to kill before a flight out of Cleveland. What else to do but make a stop at the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame? What can I say about it, except that it's pretty comforting to me to know that Lady Gaga's meat dress and John Lennon's handwritten lyrics to Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds are under the same roof. JUST THINK ABOUT THAT, really hard. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank my parents for never letting me listen to anything produced after about 1975 in the car until I was about 16. I think it is because of this that I was more excited about Beatles' suits and Neil Young's guitar than Britney's spangled VMA outfit. Though it WAS really sparkly.

Also, interesting thing I realized....
Number of Hall of Fame Inductees I've seen perform: 7
Number of Hall of Fame Inductees whose showers I've used: 1
Number of Hall of Fame Inductees I'm best friends with: 0. Until I make Siobhan Magnus like me and also become famous. Working on it.

ANYWAY, now I am in Iowa and alive, despite this B&B trying REALLY HARD to scare the crap out of me. Arrived late, greeted by the slightly kooky but very nice owner, with peanutbutter cookies. Good start. But then, shown to my room... which has this right outside the door.

SERIOUSLY? Heard softly playing classical music on a record player in the distance. (She asked if I wanted her to leave it on. NO. NO THANK YOU.) Whole place is decorated like it's right out of a horror movie. Pretty much had to shut the door, put on headphones, and try to fall asleep as soon as possible. Did I mention I'm the only guest?

Gets better though. I woke up this morning and realized... I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE. No, not in a creepy deja-vue-horror-movie-way. Like, actually. I stayed in this place with my parents once. IN THE SAME ROOM. I realized I recognized the weirdo lamp and artwork on the wall. This would have been about 9 years ago. WHAT. Time warp. I hope it doesn't make me 16 and angsty. Or haunted.

Anyway, it's actually a nice place, and a lot better in the daytime. Except the creepy piano parlor, which I refuse to walk through, even in mid-day. And except for the weirdo bathroom, which features a clawfoot tub in the middle of a hardwood floor with a handheld showerhead and no curtain. I managed to "shower" this morning, but it wasn't easy, and I probably won't be attempting that again.

BUT I just found out that between my two info sessions tonight, there is the local homecoming parade! OH MAN. Small town midwestern parade.... there is no way I can miss that.

Portland Portal

Portland, Maine is like a smaller, colder, version of Portland, Oregon. In a cute way. I have noticed less hipster yuppies and yoga studios but people seem to like their craft beer, organic soups, and Prius's all the same.

They even have a river walk and boba tea! I'm in love.

last words

Tomorrow I leave for Iowa and an almost certainly haunted B&B.

If no one has heard from me by Friday, I have died at the hands of either scary ghosts or scarier innkeepers.

So... you know. Just so someone knows where I am.

If anything happens to me, I give permission for the remaining sea salt caramel gelato in my freezer to be consumed. IF this happens while I am still alive, we've got a problem. You've been warned.

oh, good gourd!

Seriously, Ohio is way too big. I know, I drove across pretty much the whole thing today, and it was mildly awful. The only two things that promised to break up this trip (Goodyear's World of Rubber Museum and Grandpa's Cheesebarn) were both closed. Unacceptable. I did get to jazz things up with a super not-depressing (JUST KIDDING, PRETTY DEPRESSING) visit to the Kent State shooting memorial. American history is so uplifting!

Silly rain kept me from my free sail on the Spirit of Buffalo this weekend. NOT COOL, RAIN. It could not, however, keep me from becoming an Official International Business Traveler.

THAT'S RIGHT. They let me into Canada this weekend. Those crazy Canucks! I did not investigate whether Canadians also love scratch tickets, but I did lose $5 at the casino! At least I got a free ginger ale. And, I have now seen Niagara Falls as an adult. American Family Vacation Dream  = REALIZED. And I didn't even have to deal with the family part! Plus I saw a guy with a chihuahua named Mandy in a pink dress. He was posing her in front of the falls. It was amazing.

Also, I selected and partially purchased my Halloween costume. Gotta be ahead of the game with all this traveling.

But let's all focus on what's really important here: THE IMPENDING RETURN OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. Best day of my life? Maybe.

Hippies

You know those "Tibet Style" clothing shops that sell tie-dye and hippy print ponchos. Have you ever wondered who buys and wears such clothing? Well I found them. We are having organic tea and vegan cookies together up here in Northern Maine.

Leaf Peepin'

I always made fun of people who would come to New England to look at leaves. I mean, come on people, it just a new color of leaf. But after spending 7 hours in the car yesterday looking at just that I have come around. A little bit. Being in Maine right now just makes me want to put on a sweater and drink apple cider.

The one where Tim Allen almost goes to space

Yesterday's chairs made me nostalgic... They were the same we had in the film department in college.

Today's chairs are just downright comfy. A+ for you, Carnegie Mellon!

I am always in a better mood when I start out my day getting ready to 90s tv on TBS.

Shopping spree

I totally made a new study abroad lady friend today. It is times like this that I realize how lonely and kinda sad it is to travel alone. Maybe someday I will graduate to eating my mediocre chain restaurant dinners with another traveler person and not just with my cellphone.

Looks like I'm going to make it out of here without eating at Chick-Fil-A. Mistake or not?

new slogan for Ohio: "Bigger than it looks on the map!"

Lotto update: I did win $2 in Mass while waiting for the bus on Tuesday. Ohio was a no-go...BUT I almost won a chance to enter a drawing to be on a game show. So... that's weird. And almost cool.  Total so far is now.... $59!

"Welcome to Pennsylvania! That will be.... $4.30." Toll roads are annoying. But Pittsburgh! I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. I am already enamored! Plus this is one of the nicest hotels I've ever stayed in. Shout out to Priceline.

I always joke about being lazy. But traveling has recently made me realize that my laziness is more complex and selective than I had thought before. For example: this morning, after realizing that it was going to be colder than I expected, and having a ready-to-go dress but badly wrinkled pants, I made the decision to go to Target to get tights instead of ironing my pants. Granted, I needed contact solution too.... but let's be honest. I really didn't want to iron those pants. 

also.... I like cornfields, but MAN. Radio just keeps getting more and more terrible out here. New favorite/most applicable country song: "Baggage Claim." (google those lyrics, trust me - it's worth it.) Probably another instance of selective laziness.... obviously I'd rather spend hours scanning through terrible music than take 2 minutes to plug in my iPod and be able to listen to things I like.

I also may have inadvertently helped a student tabling next to me today decide on her future life path. What can I say, obviously I'm an inspirational person.

PS.... coffee on my dress = have to iron the pants anyway. Comeuppance.

Snacks

There is a small freezer in the lobby of my hotel/motel with Hot Pockets, corn dogs, and "chocolate popsicles" for "anytime snacking."

Just, you know, in case a corn dog sounds like a more appetizing breakfast than yogurt or egg-bagel-toppers.

Did you know they sell Edward wigs?

Girls behind me arguing whether vampires sparkle or explode when exposed to sunlight.

Now back to trying to recruit every student I see with muttonchops. Yes, there's more than one.

LOTTERY SUCCESS

I should of known my first win would occur in a Sheetz. I bought one ticket and lost but had a feeling that a win was around the corner...so like a addict I hungrily fed the machine another dollar. Luckily I was right and I won my dollar back! Not the 500 I was hoping for but better than another loss...or spending all of the cash in my wallet.

Virginia, we're even.

cowhaus

On a lunch hunt today, ended up at a recently opened ice cream shop (only because they had wireless, of course.)

No one else inside, except the owner, who was scooping. She was so excited to see me that she talked me into tasting almost every flavor (if you know me at all, you know I was difficult to convince). Test drove peach amaretto, "the dude" (guinness), caramel salt, early grey, apple cider, "Mad Mex" (mix of several different vanillas with cinammon), and something that was full of chocolate. All made from local dairy with local seasonal ingredients.

Settled on Earl Grey. By the end of this adventure, I realized that this was seriously some of THE BEST ICE CREAM I'VE EVER HAD. Ever. This includes Amy's, this includes Toscanini's, this includes everything on Cape.

Who knew I would find heaven in the middle of Ohio? 

Next project: keep a detailed record of my ice cream encounters. This kind of information can't be kept to myself.

Cultural observations

in virginia, the olive garden is packed on weds night. like hour long wait packed. weird...

also, people here drink a lot of mellow yellow. so much that it is in every vending maching and every soda fountain.

definately not in kansas anymore...

Travel chic

Pretty soon all of my airplane clothes are going to be SOOO stylish! Just look at what is coming into fashion: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/starbucks-alexander-wang-unisex-tee/3228567?origin=keywordsearch&resultback=141

This is great, I've been ahead of this trend since I was 3.

half the suitcase, twice the fun!

Actual commercial seen on tv:

Printable.

Barbie.

Hair.

Extensions.

UM.

In other news, the guy who gave me my rental car might be the SINGLE LARGEST PERSON I have ever seen. Literally. I think he was twice my size. I had to look straight up to talk to him. 7 feet? 12 feet? I don't know. TALL. I probably would've paid money to see him try and drive my tiny Aveo.

Also, for all you concerned citizens out there: Don't worry. Made it to my hotel just in time for Glee tonight. CLOSE CALL. (yeah, yeah. judge me all you want.)

home is where you don't actually have any food, because you're always traveling.

Favorite story I somehow neglected to mention.

Sitting on the plane, people still boarding. Girl behind me on her cell phone with her mother, having a FULL ON MELTDOWN. Crying, freaking out. About what you ask? Oh you know, the usual. Feeling like her job doesn't give her enough freedom, thinking about moving to a new city, 17th century romanticism.....

wait, what?

oh yes. I'm not sure of the exact details, but this young lady (probably about my own age) is apparently having a complete mental breakdown on an airplane out because her line of work has something to do with 17th century romanticism, and she thinks there's a lot more opportunity in studying 18th century literature, but she's "just not an 18th century girl."

I guess that might make me cry too. Especially since... well, I mean, wasn't Romanticism kind of... only an 18th/early 19th century thing? I've been out of college a few years but ... I don't think I ever actually came across the phrase "17th century romantics." I think this girl's problems might be more serious than she realizes.

Octoberfest

So here I am in Fredericksburg waiting for my late train to get back to DC. Of course, it is pouring rain so I don't want to explore outside (not the mention the 20 lbs of fair equipment I have slung over my shoulder) so I find myself having an early bird special at the restaurant across from the train station. This place is called the Bavarian Chef. A boy in Leiderhosen just brought me a salad. They are also playing upbeat music that closely resembles the polka.

The next challenge will be getting them to let me sit here for 3 hours until my train arrives.

I think it is time to buy my Virginia lottery ticket.

I'm moving to Illinois.

Land of Lincoln? More like Land of ENDLESS CASH.

Thought I was in Wisconsin, but had accidentally crossed into Illinois. Bought a ticket, won a free ticket. Got my free ticket, WON $10. This brings my state total to $56!

Also won $1 when I made it back to Wisconsin.

Texas let me down.

Conclusion: there is a 100% chance of winning the Illinois lottery, and everywhere else is worthless. Except Wisconsin, which IS kind of awesome.

INCLUDING 600 BLACK ANGELS DONATED BY OPRAH WINFREY.

Beloit has an ANGEL MUSEUM. Housing THE WORLD'S LARGEST COLLECTION OF ANGELS.

Over 11,000 of them. In one place.

This is "Joyce Berg, the Angel Lady."

WHY did I not plan ahead? I have learned my lesson. Next time, I am setting aside an hour for this. Or, you know, a whole week.

I love America.

Good starts

Yesterday morning, poured about half a gallon of milk all over the counter/floor/myself in the hotel breakfast room. Thankfully, wool skirts resist milk messes well.

Horrible flashback to causing a massive breakfast disturbance at a youth hostel last summer when I knocked over an entire bar of breakfast supplies.

Maybe I should just focus on lunch when I'm traveling from now on.

Good Ideas

Public transit. I'm writing this while in transit from Baltimore to Washington, DC. No GPS, no traffic, no parking headache. Just some waiting around and online shopping. Can all cities be this easy?

Lone Star State of Mind

A whirlwind Tour of Texas reminded me of all the benefits of southern living. Namely....

-Genuinely friendly strangers! And the perk of being able to act in a friendly manner to others without causing suspicion or confusion. (Case in point: the two middle-aged dads and 3 delightful crowd-surfing hipsters I befriended over the course of the weekend. All it takes is a little sunscreen to share and a willingness to mock CeeLo!)
-Big skies! Bigger sunsets! INSANE LIGHTNING SHOWS.
-Accents!
-The food. obviously.
-75 mph speed limits!

In other news, it's time for..... STEVIE WONDER FACTS!!!! 


Based on my research this weekend, I can verify the following:


Stevie Wonder loves to rock.
Stevie Wonder loves to call just to say he loves you.
Stevie Wonder loves peace and equality.
Stevie Wonder loves gun control.
Stevie Wonder loves you and I because we are all part of the same human family.
Stevie Wonder loves love.

Why yes, I do work for a non-profit.

Third week on the road without going to a hotel. This has to be some sort of record. Or at least something for homeless people to look up to.

In other news, I love Boulder and Boulder loves me. I'm not sure if I'm going to leave. The only thing missing from this heavenly wonderland is a ocean. But maybe I could just get a salt water pool.

Sept 19

Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

This has to work in our favor.

oh PS.

I just stepped on a dead scorpion.

HOME SWEET HOME!!!

so tired I don't really care.

hm.

Categories.

Tonight I drove from Houston to Georgetown.

PLACES I WANTED TO STOP:
-Michael's taxidermy.
-Happy Donut.
-"Jesus Saves" Tent Sale.
-Any of the more than 3 each I saw of the following: Drive-Thru beverage barns, sausage stores/warehouses, excessively large cement yard-art sales.
-Every town with a population of 300 or less.

PLACES I ACTUALLY STOPPED:
-Sonic (TOT STOP!)
-Brenham, TX (home of  Blue Bell Ice Cream. Accidental detour that turned into me following signs to an ice cream tour, only to cry on the inside when it was closed. I will not be having a Blue Bell Country Day.)

PLACES I ACTUALLY STOPPED, THAT IT TURNS OUT MY FATHER ALSO STOPPED. ALSO ON HIS WAY FROM HOUSTON TO GEORGETOWN. ALSO FOR WORK. ALSO IN A RENTAL CAR. 
-Buc-ees Truck Stop. (Billboard: "OMG... LOL.... it's a beaver!)  .... (not a joke)

TIME MY FATHER AND I BOTH ARRIVED HOME: 
9:25pm.

THINGS MY FAMILY IS APPARENTLY TERRIBLE AT:
Carpooling.

THINGS THAT APPARENTLY DON'T WORK ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF OUR HOUSE FOR REASONS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
The water.

Good night.

More questions

Today I attended a fair that was held outside. Normally this would be nice, but not today. One, it was pouring and cold. And second, it smelled like elephants outside. I just want to know who thought it would increase traffic if we were all outside in a zoo-tent environment.

Luckily the girl at Starbucks made a mistake and I got my chai for free. I took that as a sign that I had collected my winnings for the day and should not play the lottery.

Question:

Who buys an iPhone from an airport vending machine? Seriously, I'd like to know. What kind of situation prompts that purchase? "oh, I'm bored, and I already read that Cosmo I brought. Better buy a $400 phone."

Now, lotto tickets in vending machines? There's something I can get behind. I thought Rhode Island was going to break my gambling streak... But no worries, I was easily able to purchase a losing scratch ticket before boarding my plane. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Other fun facts of the day: copious antihistamines have enables me to elude the terrible fate of being trapped on a plane with hives. I even managed to have a comfortable first flight despite breaking several of my cardinal rules for traveling... I am wearing a SKIRT and FLIP FLOPS. I am typically too frightened of freezing my bum off for this kind of fashion statement. Look at me turning over those new leaves! Must be fall.

When it rains...

...it keeps raining.

Seriously, Colorado!? There are 344 days of sunshine in this state....why does it have to rain now!? If I'm going to get bad weather everywhere I go I hope that I will soon encounter spaghetti (a la Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs).

The theme of this trip is: I am now old. Between getting sick from the airplane, remembering to brush my hair, and attending a party where drunk, carefree co-eds made me feel more like a mom than a jealous teenager...I am now certain I have graduated to old status.

I always knew this day would come.

Now to go stock up on Sudaphed.

SNEAKY

I have devised a plan for tricking our Third and Most Silent Traveler into posting. We should probably pull an Old-Man-Search on her. Tell her that this page is how she submits travel reports, and that we have updated the form so that she is only required to report fun things like lotto winnings and ice cream discoveries.

FOOLPROOF.

Headed for the Homeland tomorrow. It is 106 degrees and on fire. In addition, I have chosen to spend my spare weekend in a hot, open field with 70,000 other people. I can't WAIT. Will report back on whether any performers have horrifying double nosebleeds on stage (ala Ben Kweller, 2006.)

Wish me luck.

Lottery Contest Update

Colorado: 1 dollar ticket. Lost.

Maybe there is a pre-requisite for sitting in miserable traffic in order to win big.

Also, I got upgraded to a sporty little fiat. No free satellite radio, though. No fair, I want my 90's on 9.

My friend is making me chicken dinner tonight so I guess that will suffice as a win. 

NOTES TO SELF

1. Do not leave your wallet home when driving to Connecticut for the day.

2. Always leave home with a full tank of gas, just in case you forget your wallet while driving to Connecticut for the day.

3. Always check under your front seat, just in case your wallet has actually been sitting there all along, and you are a complete idiot.

4. NEVER LEAVE YOUR CAR ALONE FOR 10 DAYS. It will probably feel hurt at your neglect, and possibly even decide to commit auto-cide in your absence.

VPaNnoying

Trying to use portal from the road is more annoying then waiting in traffic becuase all of Pennsylvania is flooding.

What happens if I rush a sorority while I'm on the road? Unprofessional?

Overly flirty car rental representative = no thanks.

Super little Fiat w/ a sunroof and free Sirius I ended up with as a result = YES PLEASE.

Best part: Mr. Business Man next to me who got the only other remaining compact car ....a sad, sad little Chevy that certainly wasn't equipped to blast the 90s on 9 all the way to Ann Arbor. SORRY, SIR. Forget the tie and shiny shoes - you too should have dressed in your finest flip flops and sweatpants to impress the rental agent.

Also, Ann Arbor.... you surprise me! Concerningly cute and hip. I do not trust you yet. Perhaps it is because I do not actually trust any college town with more students in it than there are residents in my home town. Too much party in one place. I'm pretty sure one of those frat houses can hold more people than I've lived with over the last three years.... and that's saying something.

Lotto update: no dice in Michigan. Illinois is still the reigning champ as Luckiest State. Good for you, Land of Lincoln. At least you've gotten something going for you.

..... PS, sorry, Illinois. I'm just kidding. We're cool. Missouri, you're ok too (mostly because of your delicious custard and comically large arch).

Travel Tip

Avoid questionable study abroad fair food. No matter how hungry you are that drippy meat sandwich will not be worth it.

It's raining and I'm sad becuase I only packed summer-fall transition outfits.

Benefits of having a delayed flight:

- Airport wifi.
-Time to read magazines at the newsstand.
- Upgraded car rental because they gave away my economy car an hour ago. Boo-yah.

It is the little things.

PPS

How many times do I have to change time zones in 48 hours before I am an Official Time Traveler?? I think I am close. My mind is boggled.

the one where Ashleigh gets rich.

I'M A WINNER!

Don't laugh. This is serious.

But wait, let's back up a second.

 Remember that time I decided to brave a 5 hour trip from St. Louis to Chicago to see a friend? And didn't consider that it was Labor Day weekend? AND IT TOOK 8 AND A HALF HOURS? After the first three hours (all spent IN Chicago), I didn't know whether I wanted to punch the car, the first person I saw, or my GPS for reminding me that I still had 300 miles to go. The WORST part? About an hour in, I realized I had left my snacks in the trunk.....

Once out of the city, traffic eventually disappeared. Just me, the corn, and a bunch of billboards telling me to find Jesus for the next 5 hours. I was still in rage mode, particularly when radio stations started to disappear and I realized I had brought my fully charged iPod all the way from home, but neglected to bring any sort of device to connect it to a car....

BUT THEN

I stopped in lovely Pontiac, Illinois to get gas. I went in to get a bottle of water and felt reckless.... so asked my friend Ellen behind the counter to give me her finest $1 scratch ticket. I sat in the car scratching away..... $5! and then... ANOTHER $10! ANOTHER $10! ANOTHER $5! OHMYGOSH, $15 MORE!!!

You guys, I won $45 on a $1 ticket! I ran back in to tell Ellen (who was very proud, she announced to the whole convenience store that her girl had just won lots o' money) who handed me a wad of cash. For a brief moment, I forgot everything I hated about Illinois! Forget the traffic! Forget the disgusting heat! Forget the endless corn! I WAS RICH!

I remembered EVERYTHING I hated about Illinois about an hour later, when I hit construction and traffic stopped DEAD. Whatever.

Against all odds, I eventually made it to the Show-Me State. My rage even disappeared (for the most part) after being greeted with a hug, box of cookies, and a cold beer from Kevin, who now wins the award for being my favorite person ever.

Next up: Friend Kevin will have to forcefully drag me back into a car so we can go to the Budweiser brewery (!), the Arch, and a whole host of other things I am told are free, awesome, and at least slightly ridiculous. Who would ever want to spend Labor Day on Cape Cod? This is clearly better than the beach! (?)

OK..... well, time for a breakfast cookie and a shower to prepare for my BIG FIRST DAY IN MISSOURI.  Don't worry, I plan to buy a lotto ticket before I leave.

Love,
RWP

PS... Why is Dr. Sulu on TV trying to tell me to learn more about social security?

internet?

blog? what? is this like one of those tweet things?

Packed by headlamp. Upon re-evaluating some outfit choices in actual light, perhaps they are not as coordinated as anticipated. Bright side: hipsters will love me.

This hotel is huge. I DON'T THINK ANYONE ELSE IS STAYING IN THIS HOTEL.

Probably no one will read this. That's ok.

PS.... Fact: no one in the world buys Toms Glitters. Fact: EVERYONE IN INDIANA WEARS TOMS GLITTERS.

things I didn't tell my employers before they hired me for this job.

1. I have a long history of incredibly poorly planned travel adventures.

EXHIBIT A: that time a friend and I thought it was a good idea to decide at 6am to leave for Canada, to camp for about 18 hours in the driving rain, and then come straight back. Somewhere along the way I ate a sort-of-moldy veggie burger and garlicky pancakes. We're still friends.... but it was dicey there for awhile. Note: I forgot my sleeping bag, and also pants.

2. It's genetic. Ask me about that time.... well, ask me about any family vacation I've ever been on. At least two of these stories end in being stranded in broken or motorless boats on large bodies of water, and don't even get me STARTED on that time we drove to Mt. Rushmore and ended up in Sturgis days before the motorcycle rally.

3. The only thing I dislike more than packing is unpacking.  I'm hoping that if my suitcase and I spend enough time together, we'll come to an understanding. The understanding that I will be wearing the same dirty clothes for two months straight.


4. On the bright side, I can fall asleep anywhere, around any amount of noise, and for any length of time. My solution for any stressful or difficult situation is typically to take a nap, and hope everything will be resolved when I wake up. This works particularly well for ending unwanted conversations.

5. I really like numbered lists.

6. Seriously, though. This is going to be great. What better way to start a season of travel than attempting to fly out during an oncoming hurricane? Nothing can go wrong.

Love,
R.W.P.
(Road Warrior Princess.)

The Diary of a Road Warrior

Dear Diary,
 
I am proud of myself. I have been to TJMaxx in 11 states. I am a serious business traveler.

xo,
R.W.