Seriously

It's not funny. Stop stealing my pens!

Also, my rental car smells like terrible BO and there are crumbs everywhere. It's like oscar and cookie monster took it out for a joy ride before handing the keys to me.

Theives!

I just walked away from my table for a few minutes to refill my water bottle and some Smith punk took all my SEA pens and most of my stickers. And they didn't even sign up for the mailing list.

Straight chillin'

Since it's been over 3-weeks since my last multi-day trip, my mind has already shifted to summer office straight chillin' mode. This made for an interesting travel day.

1. First, I did not notice when I was rented a car with an expired inspection sticker. Likely not a big issue, but still I was distracted by the fact that my compact car came with power windows and one of those cool folding keys and checking the windshield to make sure I don't get blamed for another crack. I didn't notice until I was 1.5 hours into my trip..whoops.
2. I lost said car in two different parking lots on my way here.

On the bright side I had the most delicious sushi for dinner (it had mango in it!) and when I returned to my (bed bug free) hotel I found a packed jazz tap dance performance in the hotel restaurant. I can't explain why the whole town came out to this prison-like hotel to see some guy dance around on piece of plywood while being accompanied by a guy on stand-up bass....but then again, why not? I don't know how it ended. I left (quickly) when the show shifted to audience participation in the form of live poetry. Sorry I didn't take a video.

I was about to say that the Yaris is the new Aveo,

... but then I got an Aveo last night, and realized it is still in a class of its own.

ACTUAL SILENT* CONVERSATIONS I HAD WITH MY RENTAL CAR YESTERDAY:

1. Me: "Hey, I think I'd like to go a little faster."
Aveo: "NO."
Me: "But, I just want to go the speed limit! Just a little faster?"
Aveo: (SHAKES)
Me: "FINE. 55 it is."

2. Me: "Man, that Yaris I had this week was pretty terrible."
Aveo: "Hey, at least it had power locks!"
Me: "Good point."

3. Me: "I'd really like to go ahead and put the cruise control on for this long, straight, midwestern highway!"
Aveo: (LAUGHS)
Aveo: (SHAKES)

4. Me: "How about some music!"
Aveo: "...scanning..... COUNTRY!"
Me: "No...."
Aveo: "....scanning..... COUNTRY!"
Me: "no...."
Aveo: "....scanning..... CHRISTIAN ROCK!"
Me: "NO...."
Aveo: "....scanning.... COUNTRY!"
Me: "perfect."

5. Me, after stopping at a rest stop: "OK, time to get back on the road! Let's just turn the car on..."
Aveo: "ALARM ALARM ALARM ALARM"
Me: "NO! STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I ALREADY TURNED THE CAR ON. WHY IS THE ALARM GOING OFF? How do I stop it? There's not even an alarm button!"
Aveo: "ALARM ALARM ALARM ALARM RAAAAADIOOOOOOOO"
Me: "Seriously? Is this a joke? Stop."
Aveo: "Just keep pushing buttons! ALARM ALARM ALARM"
Me: "People are staring. WHY WON'T THE RADIO TURN OFF?!"
(five minutes later)
Me: "I give up."
Aveo: "....silence....."

CONCLUSION:
Can I have my Yaris back?

*EXCEPTING NUMBER 5. Note that number 5 is an actual, verbal conversation on both my end and Aveo's.

FEARS

A partial list of my most strange, subconscious, or completely irrational travel fears (there are many more, don't worry):

1. Opening a hotel closet to find a dead body or something else horrifying 

2. Someone else taking my bag off the carousel, and me being unable to find it or make the airline find it*

3. Having a child in the seat in front of me throw up and having it get on my stuff on the floor**

4. Locking my keys in a rental car in some strange, out of the way place***

I do not know who thought it was a good idea to let me travel alone. I'm far too crazy.

AND NOW AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE MY FELLOW ROAD WARRIOR FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE UNFAIRNESS OF BEING SICK:

That's no fun. But know that the universe does its best to keep any of us from getting too complacent in our travel. After a relatively nightmarish flight day, just when I was calmed down, freshly showered, wearing a sundress and flip flops and walking through New Orleans so pleased with myself, the Gods of Travel shot me down with today's weapon of choice: not an illness, but a head-to-toe soak of gutter water from a passing car. FRENCH QUARTER GUTTER WATER. I'll probably be sick in another hour (so we can commiserate). 

KEEP BUYING LOTTO TICKETS AND CARRY ON.

RWP

*happened today, though thankfully within about 20 minutes, someone realized and returned it to the claim area

**actually happened to me at the very beginning of a very long flight to South America, though this was actually a fear before that incident.

***Thought this happened to me last week. Turns out I dropped the key in the parking lot in a downpour. At least had I been stuck, it would have been at the ice cream factory where I stopped for a mid-drive leg stretch. 

Unfair-ness

Why do I always get sick on trips? Seriously, can't my body wait to fall apart until I'm back in Falmouth with a normal office schedule and sick time? No study abroad ladies want to be near me now...so unfair.

VERY IMPORTANT LESSON LEARNED

DURING SPRING BREAK, arrive at the airport two hours early. IT IS COMPLETE MAYHEM HERE! I have never ever seen the Austin airport like this. Doesnt help that it is the first big day of SXSW....

This is the closest in my life I've ever been to missing a flight for reasons in my control. Like, had to beg people to skip the entire hour-long security line kind of close. Aaaaahhhh LATE AT THE AIRPORT STRESS IS THE WORST KIND OF STRESS.