"upgrade"

When I got here two days ago, they only exactly one car left. It was a shiny, white, and oh-so-manly Dodge Charger. Not quite the compact car I asked for. Now, I have no problem with free upgrades, even when they make me feel like I'm driving a cop car. (Favorite image search result .... available at WalMart!)

But thanks to an unnecessarily overwhelming dashboard and display, it did take me almost my entire drive to my hotel (50 minutes) to figure out how to change the radio volume. Really? the ONLY place you're going to put that control is on the back of the steering wheel? Not impressed, Dodge.

Can I say though... proudest moment of my entire trip: I parallel parked that monster on a crowded street today! On my first try! About half an inch from the curb! Nothing short of a miracle.

Iowa gambling update: $1 on a scratch ticket, no-go. Redemption in the form of $1 spent at the casino (which was 10 minutes from my hotel tonight and just couldn't be passed without at least stopping in.....). After 10 minutes of playing penny slots I had $4 and decided that was all I needed. Total fall winnings: now $63. I'm buying myself something nice when this is all done.....

the midwest is just FULL of surprises. Also, ghosts.

WHAT A WEEK.

Had a couple of hours to kill before a flight out of Cleveland. What else to do but make a stop at the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame? What can I say about it, except that it's pretty comforting to me to know that Lady Gaga's meat dress and John Lennon's handwritten lyrics to Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds are under the same roof. JUST THINK ABOUT THAT, really hard. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank my parents for never letting me listen to anything produced after about 1975 in the car until I was about 16. I think it is because of this that I was more excited about Beatles' suits and Neil Young's guitar than Britney's spangled VMA outfit. Though it WAS really sparkly.

Also, interesting thing I realized....
Number of Hall of Fame Inductees I've seen perform: 7
Number of Hall of Fame Inductees whose showers I've used: 1
Number of Hall of Fame Inductees I'm best friends with: 0. Until I make Siobhan Magnus like me and also become famous. Working on it.

ANYWAY, now I am in Iowa and alive, despite this B&B trying REALLY HARD to scare the crap out of me. Arrived late, greeted by the slightly kooky but very nice owner, with peanutbutter cookies. Good start. But then, shown to my room... which has this right outside the door.

SERIOUSLY? Heard softly playing classical music on a record player in the distance. (She asked if I wanted her to leave it on. NO. NO THANK YOU.) Whole place is decorated like it's right out of a horror movie. Pretty much had to shut the door, put on headphones, and try to fall asleep as soon as possible. Did I mention I'm the only guest?

Gets better though. I woke up this morning and realized... I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE. No, not in a creepy deja-vue-horror-movie-way. Like, actually. I stayed in this place with my parents once. IN THE SAME ROOM. I realized I recognized the weirdo lamp and artwork on the wall. This would have been about 9 years ago. WHAT. Time warp. I hope it doesn't make me 16 and angsty. Or haunted.

Anyway, it's actually a nice place, and a lot better in the daytime. Except the creepy piano parlor, which I refuse to walk through, even in mid-day. And except for the weirdo bathroom, which features a clawfoot tub in the middle of a hardwood floor with a handheld showerhead and no curtain. I managed to "shower" this morning, but it wasn't easy, and I probably won't be attempting that again.

BUT I just found out that between my two info sessions tonight, there is the local homecoming parade! OH MAN. Small town midwestern parade.... there is no way I can miss that.

Portland Portal

Portland, Maine is like a smaller, colder, version of Portland, Oregon. In a cute way. I have noticed less hipster yuppies and yoga studios but people seem to like their craft beer, organic soups, and Prius's all the same.

They even have a river walk and boba tea! I'm in love.

last words

Tomorrow I leave for Iowa and an almost certainly haunted B&B.

If no one has heard from me by Friday, I have died at the hands of either scary ghosts or scarier innkeepers.

So... you know. Just so someone knows where I am.

If anything happens to me, I give permission for the remaining sea salt caramel gelato in my freezer to be consumed. IF this happens while I am still alive, we've got a problem. You've been warned.

oh, good gourd!

Seriously, Ohio is way too big. I know, I drove across pretty much the whole thing today, and it was mildly awful. The only two things that promised to break up this trip (Goodyear's World of Rubber Museum and Grandpa's Cheesebarn) were both closed. Unacceptable. I did get to jazz things up with a super not-depressing (JUST KIDDING, PRETTY DEPRESSING) visit to the Kent State shooting memorial. American history is so uplifting!

Silly rain kept me from my free sail on the Spirit of Buffalo this weekend. NOT COOL, RAIN. It could not, however, keep me from becoming an Official International Business Traveler.

THAT'S RIGHT. They let me into Canada this weekend. Those crazy Canucks! I did not investigate whether Canadians also love scratch tickets, but I did lose $5 at the casino! At least I got a free ginger ale. And, I have now seen Niagara Falls as an adult. American Family Vacation Dream  = REALIZED. And I didn't even have to deal with the family part! Plus I saw a guy with a chihuahua named Mandy in a pink dress. He was posing her in front of the falls. It was amazing.

Also, I selected and partially purchased my Halloween costume. Gotta be ahead of the game with all this traveling.

But let's all focus on what's really important here: THE IMPENDING RETURN OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. Best day of my life? Maybe.

Hippies

You know those "Tibet Style" clothing shops that sell tie-dye and hippy print ponchos. Have you ever wondered who buys and wears such clothing? Well I found them. We are having organic tea and vegan cookies together up here in Northern Maine.

Leaf Peepin'

I always made fun of people who would come to New England to look at leaves. I mean, come on people, it just a new color of leaf. But after spending 7 hours in the car yesterday looking at just that I have come around. A little bit. Being in Maine right now just makes me want to put on a sweater and drink apple cider.